I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
