I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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