i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
