dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
