yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
