no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
