Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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