I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
