Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
