oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
