Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
