Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
