operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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