there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
