3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
