Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
