My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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