Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
