i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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