Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
