i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
