He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
