Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
