Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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