My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
