I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
