i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
