...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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