u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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