He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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