Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
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Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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