before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
