cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
