halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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