I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
