Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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