Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
