you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
