..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
