So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
