I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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