My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
