I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
