forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
