she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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