so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
