hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
