i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
