Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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