I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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