I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
