All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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