walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
