Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
