i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
