someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
