The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
