If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
