Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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