hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
