Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
