Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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