My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize