the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
