got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I party with great urgency now.
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