Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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