im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
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Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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