just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
